The Fish In The Bowl

Ceaselessly trying to hold on to that one - one memory that I have, but I keep -

Forgetting! I keep forgetting it, I forget it all, I have difficulties trying to recall my past, my origin, but did it any of it matter before I got here? Before I met -

Who? Who? I can't remember anything! Nothing! It was I was never born, just popped into - existence. There was... a vacuum, unceasing nothingness - and then there was me. Then it there was something else, something so beautiful, something so infinite and endless, but what? There was nothing. There was nothing, nothing but water and stone and dust. And then... and then - there was her.

And then it all came together, slowly, the jigsaws all fell into their rightful place, everything came into being, the grey glass of the fishbowl that is my existence shattered, and there was colour, motion, but who was she? Who? I can't remember. Her face. She keeps looking at me. Smiling at me. And then she disappears. I blink, and she's gone. And then I -

forget again. I don't want to, but I do. It was not like this before, I used to be able to remember, I used to be able to make sense of everything, but none of it meant anything to me then. And then I met her, and then everything had meaning, and then she left me and I'm going insane. Was it always like this? Was everything always this hazy? Always this backward, like a film in rewind, constantly skipping. None of it making sense. She comes, every now and then, and smiles at me - those large, beautiful teeth, exposing gum, those giant brown eyes, full of innocence and inexperience, her face untouched by the depredation of time. Her long, fair fingers gracefully graze at the fishbowl. She laughs her beautiful, soothing laugh, in her voice full of pearls.

But then she goes. And then I yearn for her. She still comes to visit, but hardly ever. In moments of boredom, when she seeks my attention. My beautiful golden scales. My dark stripes. My majestic tail. My powerful eyes. I am the king of the sea, lord of the ocean. Who is she? Who does she think she is? She is nothing, I answer! Nothing! I have my vast kingdom! My throne! My adoring subjects! I have everything! I don't need her!

But I do. I am nothing without her. None of this means anything anymore. I would give it all up in a blink. Just a lost soul in a fishbowl. Forever waiting. Forever disappointed.